For the past few days, I have been thinking, thinking about, the job that I shouldn’t have left; the relationship that took so much from me; friends who became well known strangers; the course which took two years to complete but has no value, I hear from many; the employers who wouldn’t hire me for my lack of experience; the people, my age who are doing something, as opposed to me; and the list goes on.
I wouldn’t lie. Things got ugly, pretty ugly. I cried my eyes out, whined in front of close friends and tried to shut myself from the world. Little did I know that I was doing myself more harm by losing my mind like this! I had always been dependent on others for my happiness, got overly attached with people and things, so much that their absence affected me real bad. But not this time.
This time I was determined to do things differently. So this time I jumped out of bed and got ready for myself, applied the kajal and lip balm (even though I suck at these things) for myself, wore that lovely dress that I had been saving for a special day, and went on a perfect date with myself.
My date started with watching the movie I wanted to see since long but couldn’t, because I had none to watch it with. Of course, there were occasional stares from the fellow patrons in the theatre but I did not care. Post the movie, I went to the restaurant I had wanted to eat at since long but couldn’t because…Aah! You know why? The waiter kept asking me, “Madam, will someone join you?”, to which I patiently denied each time. Once he overcame the shock (which he tried to hide with no success), I ordered the Chef’s special (special dish for special someone). The food was undoubtedly, the best I have had in quite some time. But the best, was yet to come. I walked in my favorite book store and just sat there for some time, surrounded by the classics of the age. What a lovely feeling! In the end, I plugged in and strolled back home with my favorite songs.
I may have raised many eyebrows, but for the first time I did not feel awkward doing these things alone. For the first time, I did something to make me happy and not anyone else. I now know there will be times when things won’t go my way, there will always be someone doing better than me, someone who has a better degree than me, someone with twice as many friends as me, someone with a better job than me, but I will survive as long as I am there for myself. Yes, it is easier said than done, because it is very difficult to be happy when everything seems to be upside down.
Days like those, instead of sulking, I will always go on a date with myself.